I suppose what's prompting me to open up about myself is my recent (and first ever) trip to New York City. A short, brief, dull, and saddening trip, which I will soon delve into.
I should mention that this trip was intended to be a networking trip, one that I was excited about because for one, I was still unsure if what I was studying was something I really wanted to pursue, and two, were there people out there who really wanted people like me? I figured I would have all my questions answered and leave the city in love and never wanting to leave.
At the welcome dinner, I found myself sitting at a table full of pretentious student journalists, most of which were already familiar with each other. There were few good vibes and the girl across from me had an eternal stink face (later I learned she was majoring in broadcast journalism and had gained an internship with FOX News). Maybe it was me, but was I wrong to expect more from my colleagues than a bunch of sorority girls wanting to meet celebrities and be TV talent for Good Morning America or the social media leeches who only aimed to get their Buzzfeed posts about cats that look like Jennifer Lawrence trending?
Sigh, but
maybe it was me. I can't stand to be thrown into forced social situations and feel genuinely interested. It's just not in my nature to be act like I have rainbows coming out my ass just to give the impression that I'm not full of shit. Everyone is full of shit and we should just accept it.
The week progressively became duller as I realized I had little interest in many of the offices we visited and worse, that none of them really had a place for me. Of course there were some that talked for design and data visualization and even food art direction, but in the end, I just found myself lacking interest and feeling underwhelmed by their presentations.
And the one time I actually pushed myself to get a contact, the editorial assistant cut me off.
I could have cut her.
***
Enough networking talk though. The other reason my trip was so bad: LACK OF EATING AND FUN
Now my original plan was to gorge myself 24/7 during this trip, but I ended up only visiting three places I had marked off on my list. Momofuku Milk Bar, Bouchon Bakery, and the Blind Barber (that was bar, but I heard it was good place to dance. it was.)
And I was happy to finally eat a crack pie and eat cereal-milk soft serve in 40 degree weather, but what I really wanted was noodles, and hot dogs, and pizza. Goodness, I didn't even get to eat a damn pizza people.
Also, what is it about Times Square that makes you feel so dead inside?
***
On my last night in town, I rode the train by myself and felt truly alone. And it was in that moment of sitting in a crowded subway cart that I knew why I was feeling bitter about this whole trip. A reason I hate to admit to.
I missed my best friend.
It's so stupid because I feel myself tearing up right now as I type this, but it's weird to be so far away from a person you talk to everyday. Even if you don't see them everyday, there is comfort in knowing they're a five-minute drive away.
And I felt weird in New York City because there was a part of me that was still back in Austin.
Crying on the subway - that was weird.
I later got shit-faced drunk off of shots of tequila.
In the end, you could say I didn't want to leave New York City on account that I was so hungover the morning of my flight and I could barely pull myself out of bed without wanting to die.
I managed to pack up (I forgot a bunch of things actually) and catch a taxi (which I almost threw up in) to La Guardia.
I can't say I want to return anytime soon. Being in Austin feels comfortable for now...
